Episode 33: Male Pleasure Isn’t a Performance: Anxiety, ADHD, Porn, and the Sex We Were Never Taught to Have
- ADHD Realities
- Jan 12
- 2 min read
With Caitlin V
In this episode, I’m joined by Caitlin V, sex and relationship coach, researcher, and host of Good Sex, for a conversation that is giving male pleasure the nuance it deserves.
We unpack why so many men experience sex as pressure instead of pleasure and how performance anxiety shows up as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, or complete shutdown, often without anyone naming what’s happening.
This isn’t a “just relax” or “take a pill” conversation.
We talk about:
Why performance anxiety is less about control and more about tension—physical, emotional, relational, and neurological
How porn, cultural scripts, and silence around male pleasure shape insecurity and self-monitoring
Why many men are hyper-focused on their partner’s experience while completely disconnected from their own bodies
The role of breath, pacing, communication, laughter, and nervous system regulation in sexual control
How ADHD can complicate arousal, stimulation, and orgasm—for better and worse
Where premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation may be adaptive responses
Why male pleasure is culturally minimized while male performance is overemphasized
We also dive deep into Erotic Blueprints and how naming arousal styles can radically shift shame into curiosity, creativity, and agency.
This episode is for:
Men who feel like sex has become a test they keep failing
Partners who don’t understand why “trying harder” makes things worse
Clinicians and educators who want a more humane, body-based framework for male sexuality
Anyone ready to stop treating sex like a machine problem and start understanding it as a whole-person experience
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